attachment

     Empathy overwhelms everyday life. Just the sight of someone begging for sustenance creates scenarios about how they got to where they are and emotions take me over. The desire to lend my couch and shower, to help them find hope, livelihood and happiness once more, penetrates my entire being. Then a concrete wave of reality hits me and I sadly realize I can't. Without the means, safety, or room for all those I would like to help, I'm at a loss.

     I remind myself that we've all failed them, the defeat is not mine alone, that we are all responsible for their suffering. The media, government, greed, selfishness, image. We care more about getting ahead and providing a good life for ourselves and those we are personally responsible for. When in reality we are all personally responsible for every living thing on this planet we call home.

    Volunteering is not enough when so few do it, the impact of one is so small compared to the impact of many. Too many label these people as con-men, lazy, mentally unfit. They are you, and me in different circumstances. They need a warm smile, friendly conversation, food to eat, connection.

     That is not where our selfishness ends. Every living thing is you, is me--in another. When we treat animals as less than us, when we neglect our pets, our parents, grandparents, friends, strangers. We are neglecting the essence of existence. We are dismissing the only thing in which we can truly make a meaningful difference. We are lending ourselves to drown in the downward spiral of society, government, and media driven ignorance and greed.

     Attach yourselves to what really matters.

Trespass

Lost in an almond shaped world void of color, taste, fragrance, meaning. Slipping slowly into a darkness that sucks up energy, steals sleep, suffocates and crushes existence. Moisture bites the corners, constantly threatening to tip over the edge. A powerful cloud of despair seemingly impossible to evade. An intrusion into the facade. The mask that fooled so many now cracked and stained with deceit. A heartbreaking trespass into the world of another.

Featured! :)

http://folioslcc.org/post/48309121318/gone

Creating Suffering

I recently was talking with a friend from high school. The subject matter isn't what I would like to talk about, but a specific sentence he said. It was that "we create our own suffering." It wasn't something I hadn't heard before, but I had never really took the time to explore the meaning behind it or how true it is, at least to me.

While studying at Utah State University I took a class on philosophy and religion. At the time I was trying to discover my own beliefs but it ended up confusing me more. One of the things the professor would always bring up was suffering. Especially when talking about a God... how could a God justify the suffering in the world? A lot of students in the class had very well thought-out arguments to defend their God, but none of them seemed to cut it for me. Which had me walking the line of disbelief in God or hatred toward God.

After a while I was tired of trying to figure it out and distracted myself with music, friends, etc. I found that everything that was making me unhappy though would go back to what my beliefs were. i.e. If I believed in certain christian religions than drinking was "bad." So I was constantly conflicted with my own actions. The religion of my childhood and my choice in life style were in constant conflict which diminished my confidence. I was focusing on the smaller decisions instead of the big picture and at some point I realized that until I found what I personally believed I would constantly second guess my decisions. I know a moral compass or belief system is not necessary for everyone, but it is for me.

So I began reading, researching, and attending meetings for various religions. In doing this I found that they all want you to be happy and be kind, etc. I found that most want you to believe blindly--they relied on Faith. They would deny science, facts that have huge amounts of evidence behind them that don't ask you to rely on pure belief-- that could even coincide with their beliefs. But because they don't understand these facts they look at them as attacks on their belief system. i.e. Evolution doesn't disprove any deity, but it doesn't prove one either. When I would ask questions about things backed up by science religious leaders would get defensive, like I was attacking their beliefs. Which was not at all what my intentions were. To me it did not make sense to get defensive, it made more sense to explore these facts within the religion than to freak out. This is one reason that Buddhism seemed like a good philosophy to me.

Another friend introduced me to Zeitgeist, a three-part documentary, one of the parts being about religious congruities. How they all seem to have original names for the stories attached to many before their time. After researching these I found that religion was just a form of "organized hope." That I personally could not believe in a deity because there was no evidence toward one, just unoriginal stories of miracles that could not be proven. At this point I believed myself an Atheist. After I started falling back into the discontent with my decisions though I found myself looking for something to believe in, whether it be a philosophy or simply to believe in humanity. The latter is what I believed in for a time. Simply believing that doing good to others and making this inevitably difficult life as easy for others as I possibly could, easing others suffering brought me joy. This is when I started to think about Buddhism on a more serious level.

I had heard Buddhism described as a religion, a philosophy, and most recently as an education. I liked it described as a philosophy until I heard it described as an education. Thinking of it as a philosophy was what got me on the path of learning more about it. Buddhism, from my understanding, revels in science. When science disproves something in the beliefs of Buddhists they adapt. They are searching for knowledge on the path of Enlightenment. This was a "religion" (education) that I could spend my time exploring and possibly believe in, if not, at least live the life style of. The friend I mentioned at the beginning; the one who said "we create our own suffering." Is a Buddhist. This belief of his is from this education.

It simply means that our expectations make us suffer, our expectations of others can also make them suffer. We can dispel suffering by changing our thinking. "We create our own suffering," is a simple statement that can change your entire attitude toward life and others. When we don't have expectations we make others comfortable around us, they don't feel judged, they feel accepted. When we don't feel the need to meet other's expectations we don't feel the sting of failure. We all walk this path called life differently. We can make it easier for ourselves and others.

So after a long path to figure out what it was that made sense. The simple phrase "We create our own suffering," is what solidified a system of thought that makes me a happier person. No one that I know, religious or not, has argued with that statement. To a certain degree, regardless of what you believe, this statement does ring true. That being said though, it is still very healthy to have goals, but keep in mind that if you don't get that promotion or get an A on that test those things do not create the suffering you feel, you do, your expectations do. So get back up and try again.

Tight Rope

Our culture has made life a balancing act. In the eyes of society we need to: get an education, get out of debt, own a home, have a fancy car, have the newest phone, have a high paying career, and rear a family. Depending on where in the country you live by the time you achieve all of this is what determines if you are a failure or success.

So let's look at things from a different perspective.

We are all failures. We are going through resources faster than we can make them. We are living of of "food-like" products instead of food. We are sitting in cubicles when in reality we are animals just like every other living organism. Imagine how healthy a _insert favorite animal here__ would be if they sat behind a computer screen for eight hours a day instead of outside moving around. It's no wonder we're obese. It's no wonder we're not happy. We are not anywhere near as Japan, working themselves to death. But are we not on our way there? Is competition not driving us in an unhealthy direction for our species? Instead of trying to help others and ourselves live healthy, fulfilling lives, our society wants us to be dependent on the drug administration. Treating our symptoms instead of the simple solution to our problems... eating real food, and treating ourselves like the animals that we are. We need walks, fresh air, a proper diet for longevity. We do not need to be constantly connected with everyone we've met since we opened a facebook account, we do not need to watch 30 minutes + of television daily. We do not need to take work home to get "ahead" when we're actually severing good relationships to the people in our lives.

We are all successes. We have evolved into amazing creatures which massive potential to create a better world for our own species and for every other species we share this world with. We have different cultures to learn from to make these advances possibly. We have such capacity to really improve the lives of any creature we come into contact with if we could put greed aside and focus on the fact that we are all one.

So what is more important? Being happy? Making others happy? Truly living? Or "living" for others? You decide.

Fake it.

After a late evening my eyes were having trouble opening so the decision to stop by the gas station for some caffeine was made. At the gas station I quickly grabbed the drink of choice and went to stand in the surprisingly long line. There were two cashiers but only one was actually going through customers at a normal pace. The other one was held up by one customer. 

A fluffy woman with long silver hair tied back in a pony tail. She was leaning over the counter and speaking with the one. Her facial features were like a wrinkled version of my mom's. She reminded me of her for a few different reasons; because of her hair--keeping it long  is somewhat uncommon in woman of a certain age around here, her conversation--you could tell how lonely she was, and her face--the resemblance was uncanny. 

It made me feel guilty and sad. I don't know where to draw the line with my mom's and my life. I don't know how to get all the things I need to done and still spend enough time with her to make her feel appreciated and dismiss her loneliness. It's hard enough to balance work, school, and a social life. I spend time with family weekly, but it's not enough to dismiss her loneliness, it's easy to see. 

So how does everyone else seem so functional? How does everyone seem to find a healthy balance and make everyone feel loved? Or is it this hard for everyone and they all just paste a on a happy face and go about their days pretending everything is okay? Painting a mirage in the line of sight for all to fall prey too. Using that whole "fake it till you make it deal" that may as well be "lie to yourself, everyone else will believe it and eventually you will too." 

The Magnet

Radiating your happiness isn't something you have to try to accomplish if you truly are happy. It's an attractive, a peaceful, and a reassuring quality. It kindly demands respect and reflects with it confidence. When you are focusing on abolishing suffering instead of looking a part, or another superficial goal it pulls people in. They may not understand why but it is because they are searching for that inner peace through paths the media, society, and religion have told them it is possible. It may be horrifyingly sad to see others struggle through these trivial hardships, but all that can be done is to be an example. It makes time better spent, days more rewarding,  life becomes well-lived.

first day

I love how much not caring changes everything. In school in the past I have been the one who is quiet and never asks questions, answers them when called on, and if I don't understand something I wait till the rest of the class is doing something and I can talk to the teacher one on one. Today.... was a different story.
I cracked a joke, answered questions without being forced too, and voiced opinions when appropriate. I thoroughly enjoyed it, understood and retained the material better and ended up staying after class talking with the professor and a couple students. SUCH a different and AWESOME experience. Participating, actually participating, changes learning sooo much. I'm actually excited for the term, and know that if I keep this up I will learn a lot more and appreciate the subject/material more than I have in the past.

contact

Seemingly unlimited space above, making way through bodies, the smell of sweat so strong you can almost taste it. Passing eyes all facing the south. Most you can tell aren't hearing the vibrations coming from the speakers their eyes are void of thoughts, so strung out on various designer drugs, others who can barely stand because alcohol has started to limit the control they have over their own bodies. Walking in beat with the heavy bass the crowd lessens in density with every few steps. And finally air, cooler air finally relieves the damp skin. Inhaling air void of the salty taste of sweat. Steps quicken on the path that leads to the double doors that grant absolute freedom from this haze of adolescent escape. Palms press gently against the door and a quick glance back into the faceless crowd, that finds its escape in this meaningless way, gets rid of any doubts about the decision that's been made. With a hard shove the brisk air of the evening almost knocks you back, the moon and stars light the way, with the pounding of the bass matching the rhythm of the heart. The pace quickens as you realize contact has left you in the state of the rest of the mass. This unwelcome haze has left you with limited options. Going back in, you will succumb to the numbness of your peers. Leaving in this state could get you behind some thick vertical bars, in a crumpled heap of metal, or if the decline of mental awareness continues.......

sharks

Getting the courage to "open the wound" and then getting deserted. Though it was not the fault of the deserter, family emergencies happen. It will add time to the recovery process; because the trust that was initially there has now been tampered with. Bringing all the raw emotions, that have been placed in a deep dark hiding spot, back to the very front of the mind. Just to disappear and not help through or give things to consider when thinking about them. Like leaving someone in the middle of a pool of sharks and then throwing in the bloody fish. How is one expected to come through without some help? The emotions were put away in a dark far away place because they are too hard to face, too much to handle. The books that were supposed to help have been read and they just add more sharks to the pool. They helped realizations come forth but knowing the problems just adds more hurt, how do I get to the side safely and pull myself out?