No more Hiding.

Almost ten months have passed since the event that changed me forever. Waking up to have the world I had come to know and love shattered. At first being in "zombie-mode," watching hours of television, not caring about what was on the screen as long as it would distract me from the thought of having to endure living without him. Then when that no longer worked finding comfort in drinking, drinking to hide from the emotions that would bubble to the surface in moments of sobriety. An opportunity presented itself that let me escape my world of hiding. It gave me responsibility and a new environment; for a time that was great. After it had become normal though, the thoughts and emotions that I didn't want to deal with presented themselves again.  After a time, unrelated to my misfortune, this new life fell apart. It was scary, and sudden--these new emotions and the old ones were too much to handle. I trusted in the liquid that had hidden them so well before. Now at a time when I'm trying to get back on my feet, a new job, a new place, I can't trust in drinking or any other form of hiding. I have to face what I've been through. I know it will be hard and I'll probably be an even bigger mess than I have been in the past few months. I also know that if I want to be able to think about him and only feel joy about the good times we shared instead of misery about the fact I'll never see him again--that I have to make a change and I have to try to work through all of this.